


waves rise to claim you

by kangeiko



Series: Nostos [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Clint Feels, Gen, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Steve Feels, Team Dynamics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 17:15:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11257329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kangeiko/pseuds/kangeiko
Summary: Clint has a word with Steve after the footage from Siberia airs.





	waves rise to claim you

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from the poem by Emily Blewitt.

You look for him for three hours, and after all that, Clint turns out to be in the gym. The lowest locker on the far right is open, the bottom of it pried apart with a metal bar. By Clint’s foot is a duffel bag with what looks like a change of clothing and the bare minimum of weaponry.

“What are you doing?”

Clint looks up from the bottom of the locker, a bundle of cash in his hands. The little red book at the bottom of the bundle looked to be the right size for a passport, but the colour is obviously -

“You're leaving?” 

“And they call _me_ keen-eyed; I've clearly got nothing on you, Cap,” Clint says drily. He dumps both the cash and the passport into the duffel bag and carefully eases the bottom of the locker back into place. “Well, I'm not going to pretend that T’Challa’s scary bodyguards didn't know this was all in here, but they didn't touch it, so I guess there's a chance the passport's still valid. I don't have an ESTA, but I'm figuring they won't turn me away at the border because I forgot to tell them I wasn't a Nazi in ‘45. I'm sure Tony has his ear to the ground, anyway.” He stands, shouldering the duffel bag, and looks at you for a moment. “Well. See ya.”

It's pure reflex that causes you to grab hold of him as he walks past. Of course it is; you'd never make any of them stay here if they didn't want to. But your hand is on his arm and it's too late to take it back when he turns to you with eyes like poison. “Let go of me.”

“Clint. _Why?_ ” You can hear the pain in your voice. It's a stupid question. You _know_ why. The news broke a little over six hours ago, and in that time it hasn't stopped playing the footage over and over on every available channel: the mission, the reaction, the fight. The look on Tony’s face as you brought the shield down. 

You didn't need to see that image again to remember it; you've been seeing his face every night. In your dreams, the reactor isn't in the suit but in his chest, and it flickers three times before it goes dark. 

Tony’s breath had slammed out of him with the force of your blow, and he hadn't been able to draw it back in for several moments. In your memory, he had looked dead; in your dreams, he had stayed dead, growing cold in your arms as you frantically tried to coax the reactor back to life. 

It has been two months (forever), and you don't need a reminder of what you did. You know it well. (Every night, Tony smiles at you with a mouth full of blood as the arc reactor flickers and dies.)

The only difference is that everyone now knows as well. 

The team… you did not lie to them. But you did not tell them the truth, either, and they are taking that omission just as badly as Tony did. Sam left the palace “for a walk” immediately after the news screened and has not been back since. Wanda took her walk in the garden, but it has been six hours and she hasn't come back in either. You don't know where Scott is. And Clint… Clint is leaving. It is six hours since the footage played, and Clint is _leaving_.

You don't even know why you're surprised. You've been waiting for one or all of them to leave since the day you all arrived here. 

“You know why,” Clint says quietly. He shifts from foot to foot warily, and you remember that although he's not a match for you in strength, he still has skills that would let him put up a fight. If this were a fight. If you were fighting him. 

“I'm sorry,” you say, and you let go of his arm. Your hands feel numb and you clench them to force some warmth back into your fingers.

Clint shakes his head. “I have just one question for you. Just one. If it wasn't Tony’s parents. Say it wasn't. Say that hadn't happened, and instead it was anyone else. Would you have reacted the same?” 

There's a trap here, but you can't spot it. You have never liked it when Clint and Natasha occasionally did this, using their little team-of-two approach to make you feel out-flanked. It turns out that maybe it didn't need two of them to make this flush of suspicion rise up; Clint is able to put you on the back foot all on his own. “I didn't hide it to hurt him, Clint. I just… I was trying to spare him any pain. And I had to protect Bucky.”

Clint nods a little. “No, I get it. It wasn't personal, right? It wasn't like you did it deliberately.” He moves carefully around you, keeping his free hand between the two of you, and that's when you know. It's too late to take any of it back. 

He's not treating you like a teammate. He's assessing a potential threat. 

“Clint -”

He's almost to the door. There's no reason to hesitate. He could walk out of here and not answer you. He could just -

Instead, he stops, his head tilted to one side in that curiously bird-like gesture he sometimes favours. Almost a parody. “No worries, Cap. It wasn't personal. Woulda done the same for anyone else, right? Spared them the pain. Protected your friend at the same time. Got it.” He pauses again, and there's something cold in his eyes. “So, I have to wonder. We’re friends, right? We hung out. Not as much as you and Tony did, but some. But if Barnes hadn't killed the Starks. If he'd been told to target some other SHIELD employees and their families instead. If he'd killed Laura, or Cooper, or Nate, or my Lila.” His voice trembles. “If he'd killed my Lila, Cap. Would you have hung out with me more, or less?”

You can hear your heart beat in your chest, the traitorous, useless thing. 

He nods again in the silence. “That's what I thought.” 

The door closes behind him with a soft ‘click’.

(When you close your eyes, Tony is back in the snow, blood in his mouth. The reactor flickers once, twice.)

*

fin

**Author's Note:**

> I have so many feelings about Civil War, holy hell. But I can't get them all out in the same fic, so I'm trying to work out each of my issues about these relationships before putting them all together.


End file.
